Ordinarily, this column is hosted by Abe. However, as this is an autonomous wom*n’s edition, this week’s column will be hosted by Peek-a-Boo.
Disclaimer: This column can contain questions that are sent to us from current USYD students, however for this special women’s edition they are not from real people. We have decided to write fictitious questions based on fictitious scenarios to provide a space for the questions that many find hard to ask.
My friend needs help. I think her partner stops her from doing assignments and going to uni.
I don’t really know what’s happening but I think her partner is jealous that she has something interesting to do that doesn’t include them. She’s told me that when she’s been studying or hanging out with her uni friends that her partner accuses her of cheating and lying about where she’s been. I know that my friend loves her partner very much and tries hard to please, but something doesn’t feel right to me. Is there anything I can do to help?
Dear Worried Friend,
Thank you for having the courage for saying something about your friend. Many people notice a friend in trouble and just hope it will get better, without wanting to interfere.
From what you have said, it sounds like her partner is trying to control her, which is a form of domestic violence. We know from research that it is likely that controlling behaviours will escalate if there isn’t change in the relationship.
You can tell her that you’ve noticed that things can be difficult for her. Offer to help her with anything if she needs. It is likely that she will not take up your offer of help initially, but you being present in her life will be a great help.
Be aware that if her partner is controlling, they may try to push you out of her life. Try to be patient with her and stay on her side.
There are community organisations that can give you more information. Talk to an SRC caseworker about getting some contact details or take a look at Reachout.com for information on healthy relationships.
Peek-a-Boo (in lieu of Abe)
Contact SRC Help for confidential professional and independent assistance with Harrassment or discrimination issues
Call to make an appointment with a caseworker or Drop-in (no appointment required): Tuesdays & Thursdays, between 1 and 3pm
9660 5222 | firstname.lastname@example.org